


counting my steps, reaching out to you

by RedPaladin465



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi Ben, Jedi Ben Solo, Palpatine is a dick, Resistance Member Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Role Reversal, Sith Rey, Ulterior Motives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22610254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedPaladin465/pseuds/RedPaladin465
Summary: All her life, Rey has felt snatches of someone else's emotions, seen visions of other places, other people she's certain she's never seen before. More than anything, she wants to leave the hellhole that is her homeworld of Exegol and to explore the universe and find the person at the other end of the connection--and take down her delusional grandfather who can't seem to stop obsessing over ruling the galaxy in the process.
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Sheev Palpatine & Rey
Comments: 9
Kudos: 49
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	counting my steps, reaching out to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lizardbeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizardbeth/gifts).



> Hullo!
> 
> I have loved Star Wars all my life, but have never written for this fandom- this is only my second piece! My first piece was for the Reylo Charity Anthology Vol. 2, so it's been an interesting process writing both pieces :) also, let's be real- after that last movie, who could resist writing?! Everyone deserved better. Here's a different take on the whole Rey-is-a-Palpatine thing and the Force Bond (because let's be real, Force bond shenanigans are awesome).
> 
> Hope you enjoy, Lizardbeth! :D :D :D you gave some SUPER fun prompts!! And ALL the love to @LariaGwyn and Jen for the hours of beta-ing and being my sounding boards<3
> 
> And I hope everyone else enjoys this piece :) I'm so sorry- this turned out to be like three times longer than I expected it to. LOL.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars

Her small hands weren’t able to fully wrap around her practice saber, but nonetheless, she stuck her tongue out and tried her best. She’d gotten the form flows pretty well, she thought...and then she got to her very last sparring form and her foot jerked forward into her front swing, pulling her off-balance. She quickly recovered her footing, but looked up fearfully at the figure seated to her left, her tiny body beginning to tremble.

“Rey,” the figure addressed her in his familiar, raspy tenor that struck fear into her little heart. “What have I taught you?”

Her bottom lip started quivering. “It-it mus’ be pe-fect.” She was so young, still struggling with her pronunciation. Age, though, was not taken into consideration when it came to her training.

“Ah.” He lifted his hand toward her, and Rey’s eyes began filling with tears. “So you understand why I am punishing you, don’t you, my young apprentice.”

“P-p-ease, Master…” she whispered. She shook so hard that the practice saber clattered loudly onto the stone floor, but it came anyway- the purple crackle of lightning shot from her master’s fingers to her and brought her to her knees, the little girl crying out in pain as the lightning electrocuted her. It stopped soon enough, and her master’s voice was deceptively calm after the torture he had just subjected her to.

“Again, Rey,” he commanded. Sniffling and still crying, she pushed herself to her feet and limped over to pick up her practice saber. “No!” he snapped, scaring her so badly that the girl tripped over backwards as she tried her best to hold in her terrified sobs. “Recover your weapon using the Force.”

Standing once again, her little eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she held out both her hands to catch her saber. Sweat glistened on her forehead, but the weapon refused to budge from the stone floor. Fearfully, she turned to her master sitting on the Dark Throne. “M-master,” she stuttered hesitantly, only to shrink away when he raised his fingers again.

“Do you need a reminder of how to control the Force, my young apprentice?”

Shaking, Rey pushed all of her fear into the Force, propelling the saber into her small hands. A wicked smile showed on Sheev Palpatine’s face, uneven, yellowed teeth behind the gnarled skin that were his lips.

Rey, so, _so_ scared and still trembling, finished out her day of training and crawled onto the cot most would never call a bed- a thin mattress placed atop a stone slab with a threadbare blanket the only shield between her and the cold, stormy winds of Exegol. Her little body was spent and aching from her hard, unforgiving training and the harsh crackles of lightning; tears sprang into her eyes, even as the brave girl curled tightly into herself, shivering under the blanket.

She might have fallen asleep, might have been dreaming, but all of a sudden, a burst of color filled her vision, too bright to discern which one- there weren’t many colors on Exegol, after all. Rey felt something brush past her, something gentle and sweet, not like the whipping winds that existed around her. She tentatively reached out for the Force, and something- something light and bright and pretty- brushed up against her mind. It wasn’t like when her master did it; no, this was much softer, something that the little girl understood instinctively wouldn’t hurt her.

 _Hello_? she asked meekly, but there was no response, and the color faded as quickly as it came. Her eyes opened once more to the bare stone room around her, and even though Rey had never had a good night’s sleep, this marked the first night that she did.

* * *

Far away, in another corner of the galaxy, a young boy on Chandrila watched the sun rise.

* * *

She learned that the color she had seen was a naturally-occurring phenomenon called _dawn_ , an event that signified the start of the day. It was just too much for her to comprehend then, when all she had known were haunting grays and bleak darkness. She knew better now, and still, and yet, for all that she knew about the Force…

Rey had no idea what was happening to her.

There would be moments where she’d see things, things that didn’t belong in her barren, lonely world. Sometimes, they were objects, visions that would disappear after a few seconds; sometimes, they were moments, looking out from someone else’s eyes. She saw stars, constellations that didn’t belong in the systems deep in the Unknown Regions; she saw trees and greenery and _life_ ; she saw deserts and rivers and had cried them herself when they faded before her and she was reminded of where she truly was.

Sometimes, they weren’t visions. Sometimes, she felt flashes of emotion and feelings, emotions that she knew for certain weren’t hers. There was frustration, there was concern, there was worry, there was the familiar ache after a hard day’s training, and, most of all, the one emotion that cemented her belief that the emotions she felt weren’t hers:

There was peace. It was a contentment that she had never attained even in her moments of deepest meditation. It was a spark of light, of hope and of happiness; she could see it on the faces of people she had seen snatches of over and over again- a woman with beautiful, long, brown hair, sometimes tied up in braids, showing streaks of silver in recent years, a bearded man in a dark cloak, and another one with grayed hair in a leather jacket.

When she thought about it, it was actually kind of depressing that nothing in her own life could give her that sense of peace. Those were the moments that kept her alive, the moments where she could feel the Force hum around her before the connection- that’s what she called it in her head anyway- was established and she no longer felt so alone, like the only person in the whole wide universe exiled on this godforsaken planet. And sometimes, she could feel the Force thrumming through her, and she felt her own emotions, flashes of her own life being projected outwards, could feel whoever was at the other end startle, and then calm down again. It felt a little better, Rey supposed, in a selfish sort of way, that someone else felt the things she felt so that she didn’t feel like she was suffering alone.

She could feel extra bursts of concern on those days, could feel the peace the other person tried harder to push her way, but they were never able to communicate directly. That was, assuming that it was a person on the other end of the Force connection. She didn’t ask her Master for confirmation though, never asked him how exactly it worked, and never brought it up with anyone else. The connection was hers alone, theirs alone, and would remain that way.

Rey lived for the days where she felt that stillness, that calm through their bond- that word came to her one day, a tiny whisper in the back of her mind where she could feel the Force stirring- that kept her fighting no matter how hard her day had been, no matter how difficult her training or how painful her punishment at the hands of whom she now knew was her own grandfather. 

She had cried, had lashed out in anger the day she found out. Her own flesh and blood had abused her, dangled her in front of insane Sith occultists and left her to fend them off herself, subjected her to torture over and over again in the name of power. He wanted nothing more than to build her up to be the power puppet he would place at the helm of the rising First and Final Orders, to lead the charge and pave the way for the Sith to rule the galaxy like his glory days of the Galactic Empire. Rey rolled her eyes at the notion- he was just another old man who clung to the way things used to be, unable to let go, unable to move ahead. She hated him, she hated his plans, hated his First Order and his Final Order, hated his blindly loyal Sith followers, and she hated the two men he had picked to essentially spearhead the entire operation.

Allegiant General Enric Pryde, a stern-looking man she knew was an Imperial loyalist from the days of the Empire, was named Supreme Leader of the First Order, and at his right hand was General Armitage Hux, recently promoted to Allegiant General, whose family had been Imperial supporters and officers as well.

Really, she knew Hux was just a shouty child trying to wear shoes that were too big on his feet. He was supposedly a brilliant soldier, and the way he brought and led soldiers and stormtroopers together for their cause implied that he did, indeed, have some sort of redeeming leadership quality, but Rey couldn’t take the man seriously enough. Her opinion of him since their first meeting hadn’t changed, and she could _swear_ that after so many years, after sitting in on so many meetings with him, it only worsened. Listening to him talk, Rey wanted to roll her eyes.

“Those who stand against the might of the First Order should be made an example of!” Hux slammed his fist down on the stone table in front of him, and she was almost surprised he managed to suppress a wince with the force of the blow. The tightening of his leather glove as he balled his hand into a fist was what gave him away.

Table - 1, Hux - 0.

Pryde’s expressionless, emotionless face was much more terrifying when he spoke up. He was not to be underestimated or taken lightly; he was an adversary Rey would need to keep an eye on. “We have a greater mission in store, Allegiant General, instead of suppressing each pocket of whatever meager resistance those fools of the New Republic scrounge up in the face of the Order. Do not forget that the First Order is the flagship of the Final Order, awaiting Lord Sidious’ command. We are to strike hard and fast at the galaxy to create the foundation of the new Empire, and we will crush all who resist or rebel or otherwise in one fell blow rather than waste an indeterminable amount of time and resources on every resistance rat.”

Not much of a strategist then, Rey mused. Hux was ruthless and demanding and swift, but he didn’t think far enough to be tactically sound. No, long-term plans required thought and cunning, envisioning each possible scenario and preparing for every outcome.

Exhibit A: there was only one way to ensure that her absolutely delusional grandfather moved on from his long-gone and peaked glory days.

_Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to._

Oh, and she had to. And she planned to.

Her grandfather and Master was Darth Sidious, sitting on the Dark Throne of the Sith. She was his grudging apprentice, Kira Ren. The Rule of Two set a precedent of her killing her Master one day to becoming the Master, Sith Lord, Empress of the Dark Throne, free to do whatever she pleased...which included destroying this damned planet and blowing the First Order and Final Order out of the galaxy, then leaving her to do whatever the hell she wanted with her life after the twenty years of torture.

To achieve that goal, she would need to first devise a way to kill a Sith Lord who lived past his allotted years and refused to die. He would not be an easy opponent, and Rey would only have one chance, hence the long-term planning and careful masking of her thoughts and emotions in the Force. Which, then, brought her back full-circle to the current conversation she was having in the council room within the Sith Citadel that was little more than a drafty stone hall with a table and creepy sculptures etched into the walls.

“Sir, these rumors of a resistance forming on Takodana- they must be snuffed out before these _rats_ ,” Hux said, spitting the word out, “think they can band together and rise up against us! Especially if there are said to be Jedi in their midst!”

Rey’s heart rate immediately spiked following his exclamation, and she fought to mask the change in her emotions in the Force. For all the teachings of the Sith her master had imparted upon her, the Jedi never stopped fascinating her- after all, from what she could tell, both sides wanted to better the universe, and the Force helped both sides do it. It was just a matter of what, exactly, bettering the universe meant. The dark side of the Force used the raw power of emotions rather than the practiced calm when using the light side of the Force. Power was tempered with restraint. Over time though, on both sides, the want to serve became the need to rule, to keep things in order “for the betterment of all.”

The latter was truer for the Sith than the Jedi, resulting in the clashes that had happened throughout the course of history, Jedi against Sith, light against darkness, now synonymous for the Rebel Alliance against the Empire. And now with the emergence of the First Order and the…Resistance, she supposed they were called…

She couldn’t wait to meet a Jedi. And as powerful as the Jedi Knights and Masters of old were, maybe they would prove to be a powerful weapon in her arsenal when it came time to put her plan into action.

Pryde was not impressed with Hux’s outburst. “As we’ve discussed, there are far more important plans that are in place that you _well know of_ , _General Hux-_ ”

The figure seated at the end of the table held up one garish, mangled hand just as Hux opened his mouth, presumably to protest, and both men fell silent.

“Naturally, there are always those who are opposed to the betterment of the galaxy,” Palpatine started, his voice grating and gravelly. “The First Order’s calling is much higher than settling the squabbles of this so-called ‘Resistance.’ It is not necessary for the Order to stretch out its hand to each rumor of unrest.”

Hux looked like he wanted to argue, but knew where his place was in the room. Palpatine shifted his attention to Rey, seated at his right hand.

“My apprentice,” he said in that deceptively mild tone of his that promised a swift retribution if his commands were not obeyed. “You have been well-trained. You are ready. Go, Kira Ren, and investigate these rumors. Question as you shall, kill as you will.”

It was a struggle to maintain her calm façade. Rey nodded her head once, then swept from the room.

* * *

In hindsight, Rey should have overseen the pre-flight checks for her ship before she left Exegol. Or, better yet, she should have just done the checks herself. She supposed she was overtaken by excitement to leave the damn planet; any reason to leave Exegol and the Unknown Regions, passing through the asteroid field that made her into the pilot she was today, was a good enough reason for her to slip up and make a mistake and Rey _did not make mistakes_ -

Which was how she ended up saving her own life by manually throwing herself out of hyperspace and essentially crash-landing on a planet just outside the Unknown Regions in the western part of the Western Reaches, barely managing to steer her ship away from a settlement to hit the sand dunes below.

Her navcomputer beeped at her, belatedly informing her of her imminent arrival on the planet Jakku.

“Yeah, thanks,” Rey muttered, heaving herself up from her console after catching her breath and powering down her ship. It was a close landing; she was lucky she wasn’t going any faster when she reached the surface of the planet, or things might have been a _lot_ worse.

She lowered the ramp and stepped into the desert air, immediately squinting her eyes at the bright sun. After spending most of her life on such a dark planet, colors and lights were a slow (but welcomed) adjustment. The heat though…she supposed she preferred the heat to the constant cold of Exegol, but desert heat was a completely different definition of _hot_.

The dark Sith robe that had been given to her was a fantastic layer of protection against the harsh winds of Exegol, but was much too heavy to wear around the desert. Rey found herself unexpectedly grateful that Palpatine had stayed in the shadows all of these long years, using the First Order to do his dirty work so that both of them, Master and apprentice, Sidious and Kira, were, for all intents and purposes, non-existent to the galaxy outside. No one would know who she was, no one would recognize her face.

Despite her hate and rage against him, for everything he had done to her, to her parents, for how he raised her and put her on a leash where she would never be free of him, Rey harbored a grudging respect for her Master. Too bad, she thought wryly, that grudging respect for his power and cunning mind would not save his life when she chose to strike.

Walking back into her ship, she ditched the robe and pulled on a more comfortable set of clothes to help blend in (and keep her from melting in the desert heat)- a white shirt, gray leggings, and sensible boots; she shrugged on a dark tunic and after a moment of thought, wrapped a long, gray sash in an x across her chest and over her shoulders in case of dust storms. Grabbing a belt from her sack, she wrapped it around her midsection to keep the assembly together, and as a final touch, wrapped her arms in strips of cloth- both for protection against the sun and, of course, just in case- and slid her thin, well-worn gloves on her hands, prepared for anything that might come her way.

A Sith was always ready, after all.

Just as she was about to head out to check the damage on her ship, she glanced at her saber and immediately clipped it underneath her tunic in favor of the quarterstaff lying innocently on top of her cot, her weapon of choice similar enough to her saber that she trained with all the time. A saber was too obvious, and with a red saber...she wasn’t stupid; Rey knew the consequences if she were to reveal who she truly was. It would throw a wrench into her plans.

She sighed and left the small alcove to examine her console and see what information she could glean from the navcomputer about the crash. A quick diagnostic scan showed that her hyperdrive had malfunctioned, and that a rather large chunk had been taken out of her right wing- either from hitting an asteroid between traveling at normal and lightspeed, or from hitting something when she reached Jakku planetside.

The hyperdrive might be a problem, depending on what was wrong with it, she thought as she removed the grating to get to the belly of her ship where her hyperdrive was still sending up tendrils of smoke. The wing would by far be the easier fix. Rey leapt to her feet them, walking down the ramp to inspect the damage on the wing, and was about to put her hand on the damaged metal when-

Something, a feeling, the Force nudging her, pulled her attention off her ship and out her windows to look at the settlement nearby, just a few klicks away and easily reachable by land speeder, and then…

The sound of blasterfire filled the air, and the uneasy feeling in her gut tripled. In her haste, Rey nearly tripped over the grating on the ground, but caught herself last minute and wrangled her land speeder from where it was stored, making her way to the settlement before she had the chance to rationalize it or to even notice that part of the unease she felt wasn’t even coming from herself.

* * *

It was _supposed_ to have been an easy and straightforward mission: leave D’Qar, make a pit stop on Bespin to throw off any tails, then head to Takodana to reconvene with Poe, Rose, and Maz at the Cantina for the artefact she found that might help them turn the tide of the struggle between the Resistance and the First Order, rendezvous at Jakku to regroup, then fly back to D’Qar with Maz’s artefact.

Simple.

 _Not simple_.

Nothing was ever simple in times of war, and for all the time that he had to prepare for it since the First Order had first made its presence known to the galaxy, Ben Solo felt woefully under prepared when the first blaster bolt whizzed by his ear.

“I thought you said you weren’t being tailed!” Poe Dameron yelled at him as the pilot quickly drew out a blaster to return fire. He dove behind a column, and Ben tamped down the familiar urge to yell back, _how do you know it wasn’t_ your _tail_?

Instead, he quickly drew his lightsaber to deflect the bolts coming at him, and then, in true Organa Skywalker-Solo fashion, charged toward the enemy, which was little more than a group of diverse sentient beings, all of which, he suspected, were bounty hunters or spies for the First Order. He sensed more than saw the person running just behind him- Rose was using him as a literal human shield, the girl letting out a battle cry as she blasted the enemy in front of them with a steady stream of cover fire.

* * *

Rey stopped her speeder at the edge of the settlement, then ran toward the sounds of battle with her staff clutched tightly in her hand. The Force was propelling her forward, the nagging feeling in her gut telling her that something important was happening and that she needed to _hurry_.

She pushed against the tide of local sentient life trying to evacuate the area as their loud screams pierced the air, struggling until she reached a narrow alleyway that led out to exactly where she needed to go while providing her protection in the shadows. Her eyes, though still adjusting to the blinding light of Jakku’s desert sun, immediately honed in on the figures engaged in an intense battle right in the heart of the settlement. Blaster bolts could be seen and heard all around, bright reds shooting in every direction accompanied by the high-pitched whines of the guns. Rey turned her head to her left, and that was when the bright blue light- a lightsaber- caught her eye.

It was a Jedi. The thought made the world suddenly slow to a crawl, her heartbeat thundering in her ears. She had waited so long to meet one, and now, on this backwater desert planet she wasn’t supposed to have been on in the first place…here he was. From her vantage point, she couldn’t see much of how he looked; the only thing she could really see of him was that he was tall, his dark curls flying every which way as he weaved through his enemy, trying to take them down and protect the still-evacuating civilians at the same time.

There was something so familiar about him that Rey couldn’t put her finger on, and the Force all but pushing her toward him.

He expertly twirled his lightsaber, the blue blade sweeping over and under in a wide arc and cutting through the three opponents in front of him. There was no doubt about it that he was an experienced fighter and at least a full-fledged Jedi Knight, but he and the girl who was fighting behind him were surrounded; there were just too many of them. Sweat dripped from his dark locks as he glared at his enemies around him, and then he swiftly turned to the man in a leather jacket standing a few feet away from him that Rey didn’t even notice, who was gunning down the opposition with the blaster in his hand. A round, white-and-orange droid rolled around next to him, beeping furiously.

“Poe!” the Jedi yelled, grabbing something from behind him- a rucksack?- and tossed it at him. “Go! Get it back to-”

A blaster bolt nearly had him that time; it was close enough to make Rey’s heart stutter from simply watching the battle. He managed to raise his lightsaber in time to deflect it though, twirling it deftly in one hand while he sent a quick glance over to the man he just addressed.

Poe nodded once, shouted, “ _Be careful_!” and took off toward the edge of the settlement plaza with the Jedi and the girl stopping their opponents from following after him. At the sound of more blaster fire though, the Jedi glanced at the girl, both of them nodding as she took off behind Poe and helped him clear a path.

Now, it was down to the Jedi and the crowd that surrounded him. Rey guessed there might have been around twenty of them, but before she could count to make sure, they were all moving, running, shooting, diving and dodging and falling as the Jedi spun and slashed and wove around in forms that not even she was familiar with in saber technique. He cut through the crowd, and it looked like he might have had a chance at coming out on top when a loud cry pierced through the air, and his (and Rey’s) attention was pulled toward a small figure hunched by a doorway of one of the abandoned settlement homes. A young…something…someone…was alone and terrified, and the Jedi moved first; he was on his way to defend her when _he got careless_ and a bolt hit his thigh and another his right shoulder, and then he was there, still on the ground.

The Force swelled within Rey, and before she knew it, she leapt from the shadows and had cut through the enemies facing him, striking fear into the faces of the rest that stood before her.

“Leave this place,” she commanded through gritted teeth. The one in front stepped forward on thin, shaky legs.

“That Jedi is ours,” it garbled in a strange tone, gesturing with its extra-long fingers at the fallen man at her feet. “He is our bounty!”

She willed herself to calm down a little, then reached out with the Force to see if there was any useful information she could glean from them- only to sigh in disappointment when she found they were little more than First Order fanatics, intent on completing bounties to earn favor with the Order. Twirling her staff, Rey leveled them with a cold glare.

“You will not touch him,” she said, pushing the command toward them with the power she felt in the Force. “You will not touch any of them. You will leave this planet at once.”

Growing up, she had always theorized that when using the Force to put ideas into other people’s heads, the insane cultists on Exegol were just weak-minded beings- they never stood a chance against her, despite some of them being Force-sensitive. It wasn’t just that though; more than once, she’d seen Palpatine command them to take their own lives when he was dissatisfied with their service, and they went without a single plea for their lives.

It horrified her, but in a world where one had to fight to survive, Rey could only be grateful she came out on top.

The group of bounty hunters…if they could be called that…quickly dispersed, and she dropped down to her knees in front of the youngling. She was fascinated; though she had seen pictures in the books she was allowed to study, she had never seen such a young being in the flesh.

“Are you all right?” Rey asked as gently as she could. It looked up at her with wide eyes, completely speechless, but managed to nod once to answer her. She smiled as it stood up and brushed itself off, bowing hastily once toward her before it ran off deeper into the settlement. With the young one safe, she immediately turned her gaze to the man lying still beside her and checked for a pulse, letting out a sigh of relief when she felt a flutter underneath her gloved fingertips.

* * *

She managed to half-carry, half-drag the man up the boarding ramp and onto the cot in the back of the ship before she used the Force to close the ramp and ran back to her console to activate her shields...just in case. One could never be too careful, especially with rabid Imperial loyalists and First Order fanatics close by.

Sometimes, she wondered if they would still be such avid followers of the Order if they met the men in charge.

Shaking her head, Rey quickly peeled off her gloves and dragged a small stool over to the side of the cot with her foot. Her sharp gaze swept over the man’s unconscious form, mentally taking stock of his injuries and immediately determining the best way and order to treat his wounds, all the while diligently ignoring the Force prodding at the back of her mind and telling her, _he’s important_ over and and over and over again. Grabbing her first aid kit, she debated between a bacta pad and the jar of bacta before ultimately deciding that the pad wouldn’t be sufficient- he had literal holes in his body after all- and prayed that the jar would be enough.

What she wouldn’t give for a bacta tank at that moment. She pulled his ruined shirt down, exposing the blaster wound right on his shoulder, and then her fingertips brushed bare skin, and…

The closest way she could describe the sensation that hit her the second their skin made the slightest bit of contact would be that- and this was ironic, given the amount of times she had been subjected to the excruciating pain of Force lightning- a painless bolt of lightning struck her fingers where their skin met. It wasn’t just that feeling that made Rey pull her hand back to her chest and caused her to stumble backwards until her back hit the wall of the ship though; it was also the way that, as soon as she touched him, it broke something inside of her, inside of him, like a dam that had been breached. A thousand and one memories came rushing into her, completely overwhelming her with how much she was _feeling_ , a whole lifetime- his whole lifetime- flashing before her eyes.

The Force seemed to sing inside of her, and she paid it absolutely no mind, trying to process what had just happened. There was _too_ much all at once, but it was that moment that Rey knew, without a _doubt_ , that she had finally found it, finally found him. Him, this nameless Jedi who was…still lying on her cot, unconscious from the pain of his wounds, and…

And was probably a key player of the Resistance, now that she thought about it. The Jedi would be fighting against the rule of the First Order, so it was a pretty safe bet.

This was the person at the other end of her connection. The one she’s felt all her life, during those long, lonely years on Exegol, the presence that shared her emotions and tried to soothe them, that had given her all those snatches of his life: the mountains and rivers and valleys, that kindly woman and the two men and the odd gold humanoid droid and the adorable blue and white and silver one that spewed expletives…

Rey closed her eyes and let her head fall back with a hard _thunk_ against the wall.

* * *

By the time he came to, Rey had done the best she could with the jar of bacta she had in her kit. There would be scars, but at least his wounds were cleaned up and healed, and she had time to spare which she used to scan the holonet for any information about the Resistance and the New Republic. It had been a very educational few hours, and she had the bruises on her head to prove it. How could she possibly have not recognized who Leia Organa Skywalker-Solo was? Or the legendary Jedi Master Luke Skywalker? Or Han Solo? Or-

Right, because her grandfather was an arrogant bastard who was still sore over his defeat _over_ _twenty years ago_ on the Death Star II and banned any sort of information on the New Republic unless it was absolutely necessary. He retained some of the old Jedi texts that pertained to learning about the Force, but other than that, Rey had to use her imagination growing up. There also was no equivalent of the holonet either on Exegol; the only times she learned about it, learned to use it were those rare times she was allowed to go off-world.

The figure on the cot- she knew his name now, her…bond-mate, she supposed- Ben Solo, son of Leia and Han Solo, nephew of Luke Skywalker and grandson of Darth Vader- Anakin Skywalker- stirred, catching her attention out of the corner of her eye, and she scrambled to stand up, mindful at the last second to not leave any exposed skin close to him. She pulled her gloves on and muffled her presence in the Force just as he struggled to open his eyes, startling at the sight of her.

“It’s all right,” she said soothingly, holding her hands out. “You’re safe now.”

Force. Couldn’t her…person have been someone more inconspicuous, instead of the son of two of the leaders of the known galaxy, and a Jedi to boot?

Ben looked around the ship, taking in the information he could gather. “You…” his voice came out in a raspy croak, rusty from disuse. “Saved me?”

Rey couldn’t help but let out a small smile; his eyebrows quirked a certain way when he was confused. “Yeah,” she replied softly. “Yeah. You’re safe.”

“Poe?” he asked, likely forgetting she probably had no idea whom he was talking about. Last she had seen though, the pilot and the girl running after him made it out of the settlement plaza fine, and told him as such while handing him a canteen of water. He thanked her and drank greedily, relaxing back onto the cot.

“Thank you for your help. And for getting me out of there,” he said brightly, turning his head to the side and looking at her, stretching out his hand. “I’m Ben.”

 _I know who you are_.

Rey was careful to ensure that her hand remained gloved when she took it, returning his handshake. “I’m Rey.”

* * *

Her knowledge of ships was nothing to scoff at, and the holonet had told her that both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker were astounding pilots, but actually seeing Ben work on her damaged ship was a whole other story. He had offered to help to repay her since she saved him, and seeing as the work would be faster with both of them, Rey agreed. The wing was an easy enough fix with all the scrap metal lying around them, but the hyperdrive required a few more days of tinkering and salvaging spare parts from the ruins of ships half-buried in the desert. They hadn’t wanted to go back into the settlement again, in abundance of caution, in case any of the bounty hunters returned.

“Did you fight them all off yourself?” Ben asked in wonder on their second day of ship repairs. “How?!”

Rey wondered how much to reveal to him without giving too much of herself away. The only things she knew were these- he couldn’t ever know who she truly was, and he couldn’t ever know about her bond with him. At least, not until Palpatine was dead and she was freed from the shackles of the Sith and the First and Final Orders.

(How would she even start to tell him that she was connected to him anyway? _Hey, so we’ve been swapping Force-feelings for the past twenty or so years, I hope you don’t mind. Oh yeah, sorry for all the negative emotions you’ve felt from my side, but I’ve got a crazy grandfather and Sith Master, so_.)

Finally, Rey settled on a shrug. “I just told them to go away. And they listened.”

Ben’s hands stilled, his eyebrows shooting through the roof. “You mean…you used a mind trick? You used the Force?”

“Yeah,” she admitted, trying to not give too much away, but figured it was close enough to the truth. “Yeah, I guess I did. The Force.”

“Are you a Jedi?” He asked excitedly.

That one was easy. “No, I just-”

He didn’t give her a proper chance to respond, and when Rey looked incredulously into his eyes, there was a gleam in there that was impossible to ignore.

“Come with me. Back to D’Qar. I’m- my family, we’re part of the Resistance against the First Order. You saved me. You’re…you’re welcome to join us. My uncle, Luke, he can…well, he can help you with the Force. Training. If you want. I know there are so many Force-sensitive people out there, and if you are, if you want training, he can-”

And there it was, a golden opportunity for Rey- the Resistance was her ticket to taking down her grandfather once and for all; they had fought against the Empire, and now were fighting against the First Order, and it was only a matter of time until the Final Order was revealed and Palpatine ran out of cards in his hand. Rey could use all the help she could get in killing the man and dismantling his ridiculous need for a second Empire to rule the galaxy.

Ben’s eyes were still shining when she looked at him again. “Please.”

* * *

She was getting to know this person that she’d had a connection with her whole life, truly learning who they were, and it was overwhelming, to say the least. Rey tried her best to mask her presence in the Force, but exerting the energy to do just that all the time was exhausting. She never had to hide her powers on Exegol, and thinking about how Palpatine did it those long years as he played the Senate like a game of holochess, she was truly getting to know the extent of his power and revising her strategy to take him down.

If she used the Resistance as a cover, they could weaken the First Order and then pave the way to a weakened Palpatine for her to kill. Or for someone else, possibly Skywalker, to kill him again- after all, he’s done it before.

Ben slept as well as he could on a pallet they had made next to the cot with the spare blanket and pillow Rey had stashed away, and it took them a significantly less time to get to D’Qar than they had initially thought. However, as soon as they dropped out of hyperspace and landed on the verdant planet, she could immediately feel a powerful presence in the Force, one that nearly made her heart jump, a feeling which only multiplied when a multitude of people came running out of the hangars when they touched down according to Ben’s careful instructions.

When the ramp was lowered, he nearly ran down to meet those gathered there, the man from the settlement with the white and orange droid- Poe- running up to pull him into a hug, shortly joined by the girl who had been with them. Another man came up to clap him on the shoulder, and then the crowd made way for three figures who ran up to Ben- a man, a woman, and a tall, furry…Wookie.

Leia Organa Skywalker-Solo, Princess of Alderaan and General of the Resistance, and Han Solo, General of the Rebel Alliance and renowned pilot, reunited with their son with Han’s hands on his shoulders, Leia’s on his face and both of them looking over him for any injuries. The Wookie nearly shoved Han out of the way when he appeared satisfied with his inspection, immediately wrapping Ben up in a literal bear hug before putting him back down again and his mother could finally give him a hug as well. It was almost endearing how much he had to bend over to properly be held in her arms.

Rey could feel an unfamiliar prick of emotion watching the scene play out from the top of the ramp, an ache that came from deep inside of her that she could only describe as _want_. She didn’t have the chance to analyze the _why_ when she felt the Force wrap itself around her and then Ben’s head snapped up from Leia’s shoulder, his eyes suddenly piercing and surveying the area around him.

 _Hello_?

It was the first time she heard his voice through their bond, and Rey knew it must have been because she had touched him, skin-to-skin, on Jakku, and strengthened their connection somehow. Panicking, she threw up another layer of mental defenses, and prayed that he wouldn’t sense her nearby. A tense minute ticked by, and she let out a tiny sigh of relief when the Force drifted off and he relaxed against his mother again.

A powerful presence filled the space, and though her eyes could see another man approach Ben, put another hand on his shoulder, the only thing she truly registered was the whisper inside her head.

_Hello, Rey._

* * *

Han and Leia had welcomed her with open arms, especially in the wake of saving their son, as did Chewbacca, and the others who had crowded Ben upon his arrival: Poe, the man she had seen on Jakku escaping with the all-important rucksack with his droid, BB-8, Rose, the girl who had fought with them on Jakku, and Finn, a stormtrooper who defected from the First Order during a skirmish he had refused to take part in. She was introduced as “Rey of Jakku” as she had shrugged helplessly when Ben asked her earlier where she was from, and he had just incorrectly assumed.

Rey was given her own quarters, and left to rest after the events of the last few days. She came out of the ‘fresher feeling much better after haven taken a shower and changed into the clothes she had adopted on Jakku after they had been washed by a laundry droid, and was drying her hair and completely unprepared when a strong presence in the Force approached her, nearly knocking her to her knees. Instead, a literal knock sounded on her door, and she collected herself, steadying her heartbeat to say, “Come in!”

The door slid open to reveal the last person she had yet to meet, the one she had only seen through snatches of Ben’s life and the holonet when she was stranded on Jakku...

Luke Skywalker.

His bright blue eyes seemed to see straight through her as his gaze held hers, as if he knew a secret that no one else knew, and when the door hissed shut, Rey found herself feeling cornered in a way she hadn’t since childhood. She stayed still, standing as tall as she could and looking back at him own hard stare that gave nothing away. For a moment, neither of them spoke; instead, the Force filled the space between them, lingering.

“I know who you are,” he finally said without preamble. Rey scrutinized him, willing her mental defenses to hold. She was no stranger to powerful presences; growing up with Palpatine as grandfather and Master meant that she had the ultimate dark presence bearing down on her at all times…and even now, if she were honest, she could feel him there, in the back of her mind, waiting.

But Luke felt different. The Force didn’t feel so raw, so _much_ and so muddied. There was a sense of calmness and tranquility; his quiet strength did not make Rey want to curl up into herself like she had done so many times as a child, caving under Palpatine’s power, power that he had by curbing his own will over the Force instead of letting the Force simply work through him. It took her a second, but she came to the understanding that Luke was allowing her to feel the difference, allowing her to study and learn and to take the time to acknowledge him.

He was teaching her.

She slowly exhaled and pulled herself into a calmer, meditative state. Rey needed him to trust her and know that she meant them no harm, if he truly knew who she was.

The silence was broken again by the one thing she didn’t expect- a chuckle.

“I know who you are, Rey, even if my bone-headed nephew hasn’t realized it yet,” Luke told her, his stance relaxing. “He’s an excellent Jedi Knight and a powerful Force wielder, but doesn’t pay attention to the details as much as he should half the time.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked.

He shrugged. “You ought to know about the person you’re bonded to, shouldn’t you?”

For a strange moment, Rey’s world slid slightly off its axis, as if someone had taken everything and shifted them two degrees to the left. She felt strangely violated, after having viciously guarded the bond for so long only to have someone else tell her about her deepest secret. Luke’s expression almost looked apologetic, but he offered no apology.

“Anyone who has a strong enough connection with a Force…or with someone else, even more so if the Force runs strong through both of them…might be able to communicate with each other in some form,” he explained gently. “Leia and I, we can sense each other. But you and Ben, there’s something stronger at work. Something I’ve never seen. I believe the Jedi texts refer to pairs who are bonded like you are as dyads in the Force.”

Rey had no idea what that meant, but Luke either saw something flicker across her face or read her mind or sensed her confusion- she couldn’t tell anymore what was giving her away. He smiled wryly. “I don’t fully know what that means either. The texts describe it as a life-giving connection.”

Well, the Jedi had that right. Rey owed her life to that connection, those days and nights where it became too much to handle on her own on Exegol, she had…Ben…right there with her. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. “Why are you so willing to teach me?” she asked, skeptical. “If you know who I am. I am one of the Sith.”

“No,” Luke almost chortled. “You’re not.”

Rey wasn’t sure whether to feel offended or curious at his reaction. She knew the ways of the Sith, knew the powers of the Sith and how to access those powers, how to bed the Force to her will.

“Make no mistake,” he amended, “You are powerful indeed. But your power in the Force is not nearly as dark as the Sith I’ve once faced. The very one who haunts every step you take.”

“How do you…”

It was then that his expression darkened, ever so slightly. “Facing him, some thirty years ago…” Luke sighed heavily, sitting down in the chair in front of him as she moved to do the same. “That is not a power so easily forgotten. My father, Anakin, was much the same. You do not forget darkness like that.” He lifted his eyes to meet hers once again. “I can sense it in you, that darkness. But it is not a part of you. You are not darkness.”

The silence between them was lighter than before as they sat across the table in mutual understanding before Luke broke it once more with another question. “What are you doing here, Rey?”

 _I saved Ben_ , she wanted to say. _I wanted to come with him. I wanted to meet Jedi. I wanted the Resistance to be part of the plan to kill my grandfather_.

She said none of that out loud, but surprised herself when her voice rang clear, strong, and true. “I don’t care about ruling the galaxy. I want to be free,” she declared. “I want Palpatine dead and the First Order destroyed.”

Getting a straight answer out of her was more like it. There was a slight tilt to Luke’s mouth, as if he was trying to hold back a smile.

“To strike him down in anger is to give in to the dark side of the Force.”

“No,” Rey told him. “Not in anger. It’s in necessity.”

Another silence came between them, but this time, Luke steeled his gaze, his piercing blue eyes lancing straight through her.

“I can train you.”

* * *

It would be a long time before Rey understood that Luke wasn’t training her to kill Palpatine, wasn’t exactly training her to be a Jedi- but simply deepening her understanding of the Force, how to let fully let it flow within her and not to impose her will on it.

She wasn’t a Sith, he said. She wasn’t a Jedi. He had always believed she was something else.

* * *

Just after Luke left her quarters, Rey felt a burst of pain in her mind as something tore through her mind, attempting to tear down her every defense. She quickly stonewalled everything that had to do with the Resistance, especially the conversation she just had with the Jedi Master. It was Palpatine, she knew, destroying everything in his path to try to pry into her mind and see from her eyes. Not for the first time, she acknowledged the power he had considering how far he was projecting from Exegol, and fought against him as hard as she could, scrambling for any excuse.

 _There are other Force-sensitive people here_ , she thought, desperately trying to find ways to keep him at bay. _I cannot complete my mission if they were to find out who I am, who you are. They need to not be able to detect your presence at all. I will have a complete report when I return._

Her insolence only brought on more pain. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he was capable of torture, even while on the other side of the galaxy, but Rey grit her teeth and waited it out until the pain receded and everything was blissfully quiet. Palpatine…for however long she had bought herself…was gone.

She had not forgotten her original mission: to investigate rumors of a resistance and to kill anyone she needed, to question everyone she needed. Her mission parameters changed nothing when the only person she needed to kill was back on Exegol at that very moment; she was just going about his execution in a different way.

* * *

Sometimes, Rey felt like she was leading someone else’s life, those few weeks she had to carve space out for herself within the Resistance. Sometimes, she felt like she could forget who she was, forget her mission and her need to take down Palpatine and the First and Final Orders.

She threw herself into learning from Luke and Leia when they were able to train her, both knowing full well who she was while the other Jedi Knights were ecstatic to have another Force-sensitive user join their ranks (even one who fought like a Master, though to their knowledge, she had no prior training). Leia had given Rey her lightsaber to fight with, and though it felt completely wrong in her hands...she gratefully took it. A lightsaber was a lightsaber; no other weapon was like it. No other weapon could compare, even her beloved quarterstaff. She and Luke had both had knowing glints in their eyes when Leia had pulled her aside to present it to her, and crazy as it sounded, Rey could feel that the saber itself knew that she was not its master, but was still willing to train with her.

Having all of the skills she learned under her belt would undoubtedly be useful one day. Training and sparring with the other Knights took up much of her time, though she always had Ben and Finn to keep her company during those sessions. Finn had yet to take on the mantle of Knight, but with her critical eye, she could tell he wasn’t too far off. He was ready.

Rose sought her out one day and the two had immediately hit it off; Rey found herself spending more and more time in the hangar with Rose repairing and tuning up the Resistance ships. Han and Chewie and Poe would sometimes join them, the pilots sharing stories or working in a comfortable silence.

She had people to sit with at mealtimes, and people around her to support her even when all she wanted was to be left alone. It was oddly endearing as much as it was irritating, but she had been starved of affection for so long that Rey realized the time she spent with them and the way they invited her into their fold, even if they were an actual military force trying to overthrow the First Order, were precious things. She had never had friends, had never had anything close to the concept of friends, but these people…could be.

In time, she started flying out on missions with the Resistance, seeing more of the galaxy and testing the limits of her powers as she gained more knowledge from the Skywalkers.

And always, always, there was Ben.

Rey was always extremely careful when interacting with him, making sure they had no skin contact and throwing up her mental walls, masking that part of her in the Force whenever the bond tugged at them, but she found that getting to know him…there was no other way to say it, she was fascinated. All her life, she had known him, and yet, she hadn’t. And his life, well, he had known her, and yet had no idea she was standing right in front of him.

She kept telling herself it was better this way.

They trained together, ate together, walked together, and Rey thought one day, absent-mindedly, she could finally understand why Vader fell for Sidious’ lies in the first place. Luke had told her the stories of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala, of their choices and their consequences that ultimately led them down the path of destruction.

That thought should have scared her more when she acknowledged it, that she was now vulnerable for another power to overpower her, for another person to see her weaknesses, for _Ben_ to see them, but to her great surprise…it didn’t.

* * *

“Where do you want to go? After all of this is over? You won’t go back to Jakku, will you?” He asked her one day while doing routine tune-ups for the Resistance’s fleet. It seemed that there wasn’t a whole lot that Rey couldn’t do, and the Resistance welcomed her with open arms. She wondered, from time to time, was this what it felt like to be part of something bigger than herself, something she didn’t despise like she despised the Sith Eternal cultists on Exegol? It was enough to make her feel a twinge of guilt for the secrets she hid from them, but not enough to make her regret her actions or her goal.

After all, the Force had brought her here. It brought her to Ben, had connected them all through their lives. It brought her to Luke and Han and Leia, ever teaching her so much more about the Force and opening her eyes to things she hadn’t seen, hadn’t considered from the long years spent alone.

“I haven’t thought about it,” she answered truthfully, tightening a screw and brushing the sweat from her forehead. “I suppose somewhere nice and quiet. Somewhere with people, but big enough so that I’d have room for myself.”

Ben chuckled at her. “Stay away from Coruscant.”

* * *

The more time Rey spent training with the other Jedi Knights under Luke’s tutelage, she realized something else that was lacking about her upbringing on Exegol-

Training with someone else other than Force-sensitive occultists and a crazy grandfather forced the person to grow and to improve, to sharpen their skills against other opponents. She was already an accomplished swordsman with her saber skills, but how much more powerful could she have been, how much quicker, if she had others to train with, others who could predict her moves and then force her to either improve those moves or use other tactics to win? Each Knight had different strengths and weaknesses, and they pushed each other to be better, faster, stronger.

Despite that though, Rey also quickly found that out of all the Knights she trained with, she and Ben were the only two who could really keep up with each other in stamina, power, and using the Force.

 _You and Ben are equals in the Force_ , Luke had said to her.

Sweat dripped down both of their faces, their clothes drenched as Rey and Ben circled each other, each clutching their wooden practice staff in their hands as their sharp eyes looked for openings.

Their spars had become somewhat legendary around the base; it always managed to draw some sort of crowd, even though neither one paid anything outside of each other much thought. It was always less of a fight of who came out on top and more like a dance, both of them testing out the waters of how they chose to attack and gauging the other’s response (and, for Rey, being careful to not initiate any sort of actual skin contact).

Ben struck first, his staff stopping right in front of Rey as she stood her ground, unflinching. One point to him. Before he could pull back to reset the match, Rey swung her staff to knock his out of the way, her staff now stopped right in front of his face. One point to her.

They both took a step back, then Ben maneuvered his staff to the side where he tapped it against her waist, earning him another point. Quiet murmurs began in the thin crowd that had gathered just outside the training room doorway, some placing bets, some admiring their techniques, some making notes, and some commenting on the thick layer of tension and anticipation that flooded the room as the two continued to circle each other.

“Ten credits on Rey,” Rose said loudly, shaking on the deal with Finn next to her who nodded at Ben.

Without warning and as fast as lightning, they moved toward each other at the same time, Rey fending off Ben’s attacks before stepping forward and switching to offensive strikes. She moved back the next second when Ben thrust his staff forward in a gambit to force her back to the defensive, which she did with incredible footwork…and she jumped forward, lending more power to her swing as she broke through Ben’s defenses and took another point for herself.

Twirling her staff, Rey moved back a few steps as Ben reset his stance, this time coming at her with an overhand strike with his staff held in a backwards grip, his wide butterfly sweeps challenging Rey to block them. His hits became more concentrated and focused when he switched back to a regular two-handed grip, causing her to pull her defenses in tighter as well. She knocked his staff sideways, forcing him to concentrate on blocking her side-to-side strikes until she managed to snag his staff and hook hers underneath his, yanking until she threw him over in a roll and ending the match with her staff next to his head.

Point to her.

It was incredible to watch them in the heat of combat- they seemed to flow together, working flawlessly as a cohesive unit though they stood on opposite ends of the mat. For Rey and Ben, nothing seemed to make more sense to them than those moments where they calmed their inner storms to focus on the spar, both feeling the gentle nudge of the Force between them.

* * *

The first time she flew on the Falcon, she was undeniably skeptical.

“Is this piece of junk going to fly?” she asked dubiously, her headset on and ensuring that she was heard on the ground. In the pilot seat next to her, Ben roared with laughter. Han and Chewie’s scandalized faces through the windshield only made her laugh in turn, and when the Falcon lifted off, Rey felt a rush of exhilaration she didn’t expect to feel. It reminded her of the first time she piloted a fighter, weaving slowly and clumsily through the deadly asteroid field in the Unknown Regions.

“She doesn’t look like much,” Ben admitted as he flew around D’Qar and then off into hyperspace. “But she’s sturdier and faster than she looks. And she’s been well-loved.”

“Well-loved indeed,” she quipped, and he grinned at her. Rey couldn’t bite back her smile; it had become second nature to interact like this with Ben. Whenever she spent time with him, she was reminded of the peace he felt, the peace he had tried to push toward her on her lonely days and nights on Exegol, and it became easier and easier to reconcile the person standing in front of her, standing next to her, to the one who had offered her comfort and hope all her life.

A life-giving bond indeed.

“Want to try?”

Rey was startled when Ben stood up, gesturing to the pilot’s seat with an assuring smile. She eyed the controls, then confidently moved over while he took over the nav computer. “Where are we headed?”

“Naboo,” he told her, working out the exact coordinates on the nav. “We’re just going for a quick supply run, then back to base.”

* * *

Ben Solo, she learned, had a knack for encountering things that were unexpected. Like when she first met him on Jakku, he was on a mission that should not have included encounters with bounty hunters who tailed him (or Poe, they never settled that) from one planet to the next. Therefore, Rey wasn’t sure why she believed him when he said it was to be a “quick” supply run, because-

It wasn’t quick.

They landed the Falcon in a clearing amidst the trees and lakes away from the major cities, met with their contact, picked up their supplies, and then…the Falcon wheezed and sputtered and refused to take off. Rey couldn’t help but stare pointedly at her partner, who was very pointedly ignoring her glare, busy grabbing chairs and water and food for them to bring them down the ramp in front of the fire they had started.

Rey had never experienced anything quite like this before. Exegol was barren and empty and cold and windy; Naboo was filled with greenery and life and lush vegetation and natural sources of water. The night air was alive with the sounds of the different creatures, so different from the disturbing silence of Exegol (save for its howling winds); even the crappy ship ration did nothing to dampen their spirits.

The fire kept them warm as they talked and laughed and teased and shared stories, falling silent after a while.

“She’s an incredible ship,” Rey admitted almost grudgingly. Ben smiled, that toothy one that made his eyes crinkle and his mouth wider and the one that always reminded her that she was bonded to _this person_.

“I told you,” he teased, bumping his shoulder against hers. She was wearing the tunic that night, keeping herself warmer in the cool jungle and preventing any sort of contact.

Rey playfully rolled her eyes, and was then taken by surprise when Ben reached over with his palm up. She was even more shocked when her body responded almost instinctively and without question as she took the proffered hand, grateful that she was still wearing her gloves for the day.

“Are you going to keep these on forever?” he murmured, tracing the stitches in the worn leather. Ben’s dark eyes, which had always been captivating, seemed to draw her in in the firelight, making her feel a little like she was drowning, like she couldn’t look away. There was suddenly a lump lodged in Rey’s throat as she forced out her next words.

If she could stay like this, with just the two of them slowly building up something that was theirs, had been theirs from the beginning-

“Yeah. Yeah, I just might.”

* * *

They weren’t supposed to be here.

And yet, they were. Rey often wondered about her luck versus the machination of the Force meddling with her destiny, but maybe this time, she could blame Hux and his _ridiculous_ notion of ruling the galaxy, despite being fourth in command after two Siths and a powerful Supreme Leader.

Well, a Sith, a half-Sith, half…something, and a powerful Supreme Leader.

She knew today wasn’t going to be a good day. There had been unrest in the Force all day, and she had woken up pale, tired, and uncomfortable. Rose had taken one look at her that morning and immediately asked, “Are you okay?”

Master Luke- it still surprised her how quickly she had taken to calling him that, despite the short amount of time they had actually known each other- had impressed upon her the need to control, but to not ignore her instincts, and her instincts were _screaming_ at her that something bad was coming, that she and Ben should not have gone on this mission, that they should have sensed something wrong and immediately headed back to D’Qar.

Their contact was a man based in Cloud City, someone who had sent supplies to the Alliance before during the Galactic War, and was a longtime friend of Leia’s. He expressed his support for the Resistance now, and was on standby to meet the supply crew as soon as they landed on Bespin- and like most supply missions these days, Rey and Ben volunteered to go. Rose went along with them for the extra helping hand (nevermind that she was worried about Rey and refused to let her out of her sight, even on a mission).

They reached planetside without a hitch, but Rey’s unease grew every second they were on the planet. She had taken occasional glances over at Ben, and could tell from his stony expression that he felt it too, whether by their bond or from the Force itself, but they couldn’t stop. The Resistance’s need for the medical supplies that this contact offered drove them forward.

Cloud City’s winding corridors were nothing less than a maze, one that Rey carefully committed to memory each step they took. She feared that it wouldn’t be enough, however, and her Sith training and Resistance-honed instincts kicked in to figure out a Plan B and a number of escape routes. Something was making it difficult to concentrate, however, and she realized too late when Ben stopped in his tracks and she finally recognized the dark, lingering presence there in the back of her mind as the door closed behind them and stormtroopers swarmed into the room, completely surrounding them, that this was a trap.

She wondered if they knew who she was, if they’d open fire at her, if it came down to it.

Someone’s boots clicked loudly on the glossy floors, the stormtroopers parting and making way for a very recognizable figure that made Rey want to groan as soon as she laid eyes on him.

Hux.

Rey wondered if he had known she would be here with Ben and Rose and had specifically picked this mission to personally oversee, or if it had been a happy coincidence. Either way, she knew that their chances of making it out of this safely were slim to none.

His eyes swept over each of them, measuring his opponent, and then stopped when they got to her. Both of them stood frozen, Rey holding her breath to see what he would do, when he was clearly in command of the room. She shouldn’t have expected much from him; he threw his head back and laughed, almost maniacally, and walked toward her until there was only a foot of space in between them. Ben took a step in their direction, his hand itching toward his saber, but the troopers next to him only raised their blasters higher, halting him in his tracks.

Together, Ben and Rey would be able to at least defend themselves against the blaster fire...but there were too many stormtroopers; they wouldn’t be able to guarantee their own safety, and Rose, Rose would be exposed. Even if she were to simply hide behind them, there wasn’t enough room for her to maneuver. She would be a sitting duck, vulnerable to enemy fire.

Chuckling, Hux looked Rey straight in the eye, jaded green to molten brown, and his lips twisted into a condescending snarl.

“So this- running around with Resistance _rats_ ,” he spat, “this is what you’ve been doing all this time? Forgetting your place, forgetting your-”

Rey pulled her head back, and before he could react, smashed her forehead into his nose. Hux’s head snapped backwards, falling over onto the floor with his eyes rolling up as he lost consciousness between his nose being broken and his head hitting the hard ground. She could see Ben and Rose’s confused, concerned gazes from the corner of her eye, but there was no time to waste. She put Hux out of commission before he could blow her cover...but paved the way for the stormtroopers, now without a general calling the shots, to start shooting at them as the front wave dragged Hux’s unconscious body back to safety.

The troopers clearly had no idea who she was.

She immediately pulled out Leia’s saber, which was clipped to her side, as Ben drew his and ignited it at the same time. It was a good thing neither of them hesitated to use their weapons then and there, because they weren’t actually given a chance to react when the first blaster bolts whizzed past her cheek.

The troopers were on them in _milliseconds_. Close combat was nothing new, but with the limited amount of space she and Ben had to maneuver and cover Rose at the same time, it was taking all of Rey’s concentration to not let her footwork slip, to bring her blade up on instinct wherever she felt the Force guiding her.

“There’s too many of them!” Ben yelled over the whine of the blasters. It seemed to never end; whenever they cut through a wave of stormtroopers, another wave would be advancing on them, firing mercilessly. Gritting her teeth, Rey stared at the door that was locked down behind them.

“Cover me!” she shouted at Ben, who immediately stepped to deflect the blaster bolts from her and Rose. With a cry, Rey jammed her lightsaber into the middle of the door, letting it burn through metal and mechanics and, as quickly as she could- which was not quick enough at all- cut an opening for them to escape. It took a few precious seconds and a hard Force-shove, but they were finally through, the metal smoking as a hole was made. “Go!” Rey yelled, Rose next to her carefully climbing over the wreckage to not burn herself on the red-hot edges of the makeshift doorway. “Get to the Falcon!”

Rose nodded, readying her blaster once again and took off through the empty hallways. Rey wasn’t sure whether Hux had thought the Order had the three of them trapped there in that room, or if he genuinely was stupid enough (and she was grateful for his stupidity this time) to not have troops standing by and watching the backdoor. She stepped back up to Ben’s side once more, both sabers flashing in a complicated dance to deflect blaster bolts and cut down their enemy. They had to buy Rose enough time to get to the hangar and start up the Falcon.

It wouldn’t have been a problem, two of the most skilled fighters of the Resistance taking on an entire company of stormtroopers. But with them busy guarding the molten door to prevent anyone from going after Rose, defending their only exit, it severely limited their range of movement...not that they had a whole lot to begin with. The stormtroopers were closing in on them on _all sides_ , and Rey was never one for claustrophobia, but there were just _too many_ of them. She could feel the sweat dripping down her back and her temples, could feel the burn in her arms from the exertion and each ragged breath she drew from her lungs- and next to her, she could feel Ben’s exhaustion, his frustration, and then her heart nearly stopped as she saw his jaw tense, his concentration slipping just a fraction as he glanced over at her, and then it was over.

The bolt hit him on the left side of his chest, perilously close to his heart, and Rey knew she had scant _moments_ to act before they finished him off. It was almost ironic, how they first met when she saved his life...and now, she was going to lose him the exact same way.

“ _BEN_!”

Making a split-second decision- not that it was much of a decision, not when it came to saving his life- Rey stepped in front of the fallen Jedi and unclipped her own hidden lightsaber while switching Leia’s to her other hand. She immediately ignited it, the familiar crimson twin blades protruding from the top of the folded saber. 

“ _STOP_!” the stormtrooper at the top of the room commanded. The enemy froze in front of her, each trooper staring in shock as she jerked her saber forward, the handle swinging open and separating the twin blades to create a double-ended saber. The menacing red glow matched the fire in her dark eyes, her stance ready to kill any who dared approach them.

“Lady…Kira?” the commander asked hesitantly, and she couldn’t see Ben’s expression from where he lay on the ground behind her, but the pain and shock and numbness and anger and _betrayal_ rolled out from him in waves.

It made her sick to her stomach, but Rey had learned to fight through everything around her to ensure that she came out alive. She pushed his emotions aside to focus on what she needed to do to get them out, get them back to the Falcon and back to safety.

“You know who I am,” she announced to the troopers. “Let us go.”

Most of the stormtroopers took a step back, but the commander was not convinced. “You have Lady Kira’s weapon, but even the Allegiant General did not recognize you! And Lady Kira, fighting against the First Order and killing our own? Preposterous! She would never fight for the Resistance! Slaughter this imposter!”

None of the troopers in front of her moved. Rey sneered at the commander. “And you would know of Kira Ren’s motives? Consider my killing you a _mercy_ , _commander_. Your Allegiant General Hux knows who I am. He knew, from the moment I walked into this room. Even your Supreme Leader must answer to my Master and I. Your squadron is but dirt beneath my boots.”

With that, she raised her hand high, just like how Palpatine had done so in front of her so many times, and with a fortifying breath, clenched her fingers together, the Force closing off the commander’s airway. He grabbed at his throat, choking as he sunk to the ground, and after a few agonizing seconds, Rey released him.

“Let that be a warning to you,” she hissed, every bit Kira Ren as she had been trained from young to be. “Do not question the orders or the ways of the Sith.”

When it became clear that none dared question her further, she retracted her sabers, clipping them back onto her belt, and, for the first time since her identity had been revealed, looked at Ben, who stared back at her in wordless anger. For the first time, she could feel the tendrils of rage from their connection in the Force, and for the first time in a long time, Rey felt the tell-tale sting in the back of her eyes...but this was not the time. She steeled herself and pushed past it to haul Ben up as best as she could, and channeled her fear and her anger to Force-blast the door behind them.

* * *

Rose ran to help Rey with Ben, pulling him into the Falcon, and as soon as they cleared the ramp, Rey ran into the cockpit and took off, setting a course back to D’Qar. 

Her hands skimmed the controls, where only a short couple of weeks ago, she and Ben had been laughing together here, in this very spot. She needed to go to him, to ensure he was okay and to explain, but she needed these moments to herself to come down from the excruciating high from everything that had just happened in the last hour. 

It wasn’t until then, when she was in the silence of space, suspended in the middle of absolutely nowhere did Rey realize the gravity of her actions. The stormtroopers saw her saber, and she had demonstrated her powers. They would report the sighting to their superiors, including her attack on Hux...which, granted, was a long time coming...and Pryde would know about it, and they would report it to Sidious. All the years spent planning his downfall would have been for nothing.

She wanted to bash her head against the wall, but instead took a deep breath. Maybe she could still convince him that she had been gathering intelligence against the Resistance. After all, her original mission was to investigate, right? She had infiltrated their ranks, and had gotten to know the ins and outs of their operation. Of course, she had no intention of revealing anything to Palpatine, but she had to try- to keep them safe, to stay the course and end his life and his reign of terror over the galaxy...over her.

“Rey?”

Spinning around, Rey saw Rose hovering in the doorway, almost uncertain. “Are you okay?”

No one had ever asked her that before. She had never asked herself that question before. What did that even _mean_ right now, at this moment where her future was uncertain, the Resistance was uncertain, and Ben-

Oh, God. Ben.

She didn’t mean to ignore Rose’s question, but she had to ask. “How is he?”

“He’ll be okay,” the mechanic replied, gripping her necklace. “He got really lucky that shot didn’t hit lower, but he’s stable for now, and we have enough bacta on the ship until we can get him to a tank when we get back.”

Rey let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”

Both women were quiet for a moment, but then Rose’s hand came to rest on Rey’s arm, her eyes full of understanding. “I’m not sure what happened,” she said gently, “but you should go see him.”

She was right, of course. Rey nodded, giving her hand a brief squeeze before letting her feet carry her out of the cockpit and toward the lounge, where the biggest cot on the ship was. When she slowly stepped around the corner, Ben’s eyes were closed, his breathing even; she carefully walked to the chair next to the cot, sitting down and wringing her hands in her lap. At least he was resting. That would give her some time to figure out what she wanted to say to him, to figure out her own emotions and to meditate, to be in the Force to reflect on how she had used her powers earlier that day.

“You should be resting.”

His voice was quiet, but startled her nonetheless. Rey forced down the lump in her throat.

“How...are you?”

Ben’s eyes opened slowly, turning his head to look at her. There was a guardedness in them that he hadn’t had, even when he first met her. For them to have gone through so much together, for him to look at her as he was now...it was almost unbearable. Rey felt like Palpatine’s torture was nearly nothing compared to the crushing feeling in her chest, the roaring in her ears at that very moment.

“Why are you here, Rey? Or...is that even your name?”

More than anything at that moment, Rey wanted to tell him, to make him understand, but the words wouldn’t come; she bit down on her lip so hard she tasted blood, her hands clasped so tightly that they were shaking. With a grunt, Ben maneuvered himself so that he was sitting up, still looking pale in the dim lights.

“Who are you?”

She had never thought a single question could hurt her so much.

“Were you planted here to betray the Resistance?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. She _knew_ he was hurting as much as she was, she could feel it, but wondered if he was able to feel her agony too, the words bursting to be let out, and yet, there was a chasm so wide inside of her that her voice couldn’t make it across to the other side.

Oblivious, now driven by his hurt and betrayal and anger, Ben pressed on. “Did you plan this from the beginning?!” he demanded, his control forgotten. “Did you plan to sell us out to the First Order, feeding them information about us?!”

Rey’s voice was barely a whisper. “No…”

“You trained with us!” he said, voice nearly reaching fever pitch. “You trained with us and we trusted you! But all this time, you were a Sith!”

Everyone had a breaking point, everyone- and both of them and finally reached theirs. Rey wrenched her eyes from her hands to meet his, her emotions fueling her words. “First Order, Jedi, Sith, Resistance- I don't care, I just want it to be over and Palpatine dead!” she yelled, her feelings in plain sight for him to see for the first time. Ben’s anger dissipated nearly immediately, seeing the look on her face and looking as shocked as she felt, and as freeing as it felt to finally admit the truth out loud, it was time to face the consequences. She took a deep, shuddering breath, willing the ache in her chest away, the trembling in her hands and shoulders to stop.

“You’ve been in my memories,” she confessed quietly. “We’re bonded. You know what it was like, for all those years. You’ve felt it. You’ve felt _me_. You know me.”

Her heart could shatter at the stone face he had in front of her, unsure of what to do next. She had to convince him.

Slowly, without breaking eye contact with him, Rey slid her glove off and stretched out her hand like she did that night in front of the Falcon, when they were camped out in front of the fire, just the two of them. Her lips quivered, eyes slowly filling with water and begging him to trust her. Over the course of a few weeks, Ben had gone from being simply a presence in the Force, even the one presence that had kept her alive and hoping all those long years on Exegol, to someone here, sturdy, real, _alive_. She shared that connection with someone alive, with this man who was fiercely loyal and impulsive and frustrating and beautiful, who stood unflinching in the face of his enemies and protected those around him, and the thought of losing him, of their bond lying cold and dormant terrified her in a way she had never felt before. He had comforted her in her darkest moments even when he had no idea who she was, had become her friend even knowing nothing about her on that blasted desert planet, and had followed her willingly, stood by her unflinchingly, and waited on her patiently.

Ben’s eyes held hers, searching for something...something he must have found, because his hand came up to meet hers, their fingertips brushing against each other in the barest touch, but it was enough.

The single contact felt like a bolt of lightning passing between them as that one slight touch sent her lifetime of memories and the truth about their Force bond flooding into him, his eyes squeezing shut as he took it all in for the first time.

Rey wasn’t just Rey Palpatine, a last name and a legacy that she had never asked for or wanted, one she intended to throw away forever. She wasn’t just Rey “of Jakku”, wasn’t just a Sith apprentice or an adopted Resistance fighter and friend, she wasn’t just Kira Ren, wasn’t just Finn and Rose’s friend. She wasn’t just Ben’s…whatever they had become, whatever the Force had destined them to be. She was so much more than that; she was all of the above, and more. She was a young woman whose journey had just begun, who had so much more to discover for herself. She wasn’t light, she wasn’t darkness.

Ben had seen her in the sunlight, in the moonlight, in the starlight, in the firelight; had seen the best of her and worst of her and at her highest and her lowest. He saw her in bursts of color and drowning in grayscale as she toed the line in between both those things, taking a middle road that was the balance of both.

Their connection seemed to flow between them once more, fully and completely realized for the first time. Rey and Ben didn’t speak, allowing the Force to flow through them as they opened up to each other, free of the weight of unspoken secrets and mistakes.

It took them a long time to come back to the present, with their hands still in the other’s.

Finally...finally, Ben whispered into the bond. _I know you._

Rey could have cried in relief, but she didn’t have to; they were connected, he knew everything about her, and he knew everything she felt at that moment.

 _Where do we go from here_? They both wanted to ask.

It was Ben who moved first, breaking their eye contact and gently grasping her fingers. She instinctively wove them through his, as if she had done it a thousand times over.

 _Home, first, I think_.

Her heart felt like it could burst from everything she was feeling; she could feel _so much_ that she was overwhelmed. Rey’s eyes squeezed shut.

 _Home, first_.

Everything else- the war, the Jedi, the Sith, the First Order and the Resistance- could come after that.


End file.
